Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy
and self-esteem.
We gain a sense of self-efficacy
when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skills and
achieving goals that matters in those skills areas. This is the confidence
that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we will succeed; and it’s
this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges, and
persist in the face of setbacks.
This overlaps with the idea of self-esteem, which is a more general sense that we cope with what’s
going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes
from a feeling that the people around us approve of us, which we may or may not
be able to control. However, it also comes from the sense that we are behaving
virtuously, that we are competent at what we do, and that we can compete
successfully when we put our minds to it.
Self confidence is the difference between feeling
unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself
has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality, the
more confidence you have, the more likely it is you will succeed.
Self-confidence
can also be referred to as
assuredness in your own worth, abilities and power,
regardless of the situation you are in. Someone who is self confident has a
strong sense of belief and certainty in himself/herself. He/she exudes
calmness, composure and is self-aware.
Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every
aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be
a vicious circle: people who lack self-confidence can find it difficult to
become successful.
After all, most people are reluctant to back a project
that’s being pitched by someone who was nervous, fumbling and overly
apologetic.
On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who
speaks clearly, who holds his or her head high, who answers questions
assuredly, and who readily admits when he or she does not know something.
Self-confidence people inspire confidence in others: their
audience, peer, bosses, customers and their friends. And gaining the confidence
of others is one of the key ways in which a self-confident person finds
success.
For the next
one minute, think about how you see yourself. How much self-confidence do you
have of yourself on a whole? How confident do you feel regarding your work? How
about when you are with your friends? Your partner if you have one? Your
family? How confident do you feel when it comes to your finances? How about
other things, such as making a presentation at school/work, talking to a
stranger, or even public speaking? Do you feel confident in yourself in all of
those situations? Do you feel confident regardless of the situations you are
in?
A person who
has a lack of self-confidence has a lack of self belief, usually caused by a
sense of uncertainty about one thing or another.
TYPICAL BEHAVIORS OF PEOPLE WITH LOW SELF-CONFIDENCE
1. Staying in their comfort zone,
fearing failure and so avoid taking risks
2. Working hard to cover mistakes and
hoping that they can fix the problem before anyone notices.
3. Governing their behavior based on
what other people think
4. Dismissing complements offhandedly
5. Undervaluing what they are capable of
6. Taking blame even when it is not
their fault
7. Overly critical of themselves, for
example neurotic perfectionists
8. Being hung up over negative outcomes
and ‘failures’ in the
past
9. Preoccupation with the negative
outcomes and failure even though they have not manifested yet
1. Having a fearful and adverse attitude
towards most things
People with
low self-confidence tend to repel people around them. Their limiting mindsets
and behaviours make them feel ‘heavy and
a ‘drag’ to be around.
Lack of
self-confidence is a crippling trait because it often limits you in your
opportunities and jeopardizes your chances of success, which leads to a
self-fulfilling prophecy.
Imagine you
have a project you are tasked with. Say you lack self-confidence and you
predict you will not be able to deliver to expectations. What do you think will
happen next? This lack of self-belief is going to influence the thoughts and
actions that you undertake, both on a conscious and subconscious level. When
you are constantly thinking about a negative outcome, it takes your focus off
what you should be doing to achieve a desirable outcome. This eventually leads
to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because an undesirable outcome is manifested,
your belief gets enforced and you continue to have low, if not lower,
self-confidence.
On the flip
side, what if you are a self-confident person placed in that exact same
scenario? What do you think will happen? Chances are, things will pan out
differently. Because you are certain of an imminent success, you do everything
needed to make it happen. If you do not have the skills, you will acquire it.
If you do not have the
knowledge, you will learn it. If something completely unprecedented happens,
your confidence somehow taps into your subconscious for the solution. This sets
you up for success, which subsequently enforces your self-worth, leading you on
to more success. Even though you may have started out from the same spot as
others, just having the self-confidence will take you much further than someone
who does not have it.
Thus, having
self-confidence is clearly an asset to you in life. Not only does it put you at
a better and more positive emotional and mental state, it also sets you up
towards getting what you want. Having self-confidence enables you to fearlessly
pursue your biggest dreams. It equips you to conquer your challenges, no matter
how insurmountable they may seem to others. It sets you off to live your
greatest life possible.
However,
most people have low self-confidence because of past events in their lives
which led to that state of mind. This lack of self-confidence puts them in an
endless cycle where they attract results they think of, and that reinforces
their state of self-belief.
How can we
then break out of such a cycle? ( Celestine Chua: Personal Excellence)
How to Increase Self-Confidence
Ø Dress Sharp
Although clothes don’t make the man, they
certainly affect the way he feels about himself. No one is more conscious of your
physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way
you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage
by taking care of your personal appearance; dressing smartly, looking
presentable, having a clean and kempt look.
Ø Body language: one of the easiest ways to tell how a person
feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? Tired? Painful? People
with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and
important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase yourself
confidence by putting some pep in your step.
Also, the
way you carry yourself matters, by practicing good posture you will
automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, make eye contact, Walking
confidently, Speaking confidently, Being calm and composed, Holding your head
up, having a good posture, Smiling. You will make a positive impression on
others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.
Ø Mental techniques: Positive thinking, Visualization of positive outcomes/scenarios, focusing
on your strengths rather than weaknesses, Repeating positive mantras
Others:
Listening to upbeat music, exposing yourself to inspirational materials, e.t.c
Ø Acquiring Symbols of Worth: work within yourself to address the gaps that are making you
feel low in self-confidence. This is the more practical approach to increasing
self-confidence.Self-confidence is often linked with the possessing of certain
knowledge, skills or abilities. Many people lack self-confidence because they
feel they lack a certain competency. For example, if you have low self
confidence in your job, it may be because you are lacking the information and
know-how to perform well. People who have a high level of competency in a
certain area often develop a high self-confidence in that area as a result.
Competency
in anything can always be developed via preparation, practice and experience.
The key to developing competency is to engage in knowledge acquisition and
repeatedly do it to the point of satisfaction. For example, if it’s an academia
subject, read up as much as you can through different sources. If it’s a sport
or technique, keep training every day. If it’s giving a presentation or public
speaking, continuously practise in front of different audiences to build up the
skill sets. If it’s something social like talking to a stranger, just start
with small goals of talking to one stranger every day, then build up from there
when it gets progressive easier. Eventually, you will find yourself so
competent in the area that you become naturally self-confident in it.
Ø Gratitude: when
you focus too much on what you want,
the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads you to dwell on your
weakness. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude. Set
aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for.
Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive
momentum. You will be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to
take that next step towards success.
Ø Compliment other people: when we think negatively about ourselves, we often project
that feeling on to others in form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of
negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. In the process, you will
become liked and build self-confidence. By looking for the best in others, you
indirectly bring out the best in yourself.
Ø Speak up:
During group discussions many people never speak up because they are afraid
that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really
justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact
most people are dealing with exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up
at least once in every group discussion, you will become a better public
speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by
your peers.
Ø Focus on contribution: Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on
ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. If you stop thinking
about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you are making to the rest
of the world, you won’t worry as much about your own flaws. This will increase
self confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more
you contribute to the world the more you will be rewarded with personal success
and recognition
TIP
Balanced
self-confidence: self-confidence is about balance.
At one extreme, we have people with low self-confidence. At the other end, we
have people who may be over-confident.
If you are under-confident, you will
avoid risks and stretch yourself; and you may not try at all. And if you are
over-confident, you may take on too much risk, stretch yourself beyond your
capabilities, and crash badly. You may also find that you are so optimistic that
you don’t try hard enough to truly succeed.
Getting this right is a matter of
having the right amount of self-confidence, founded in reality and on your true
ability. With the right amount of self-confidence, you will take informed
risks, stretch yourself (but not beyond your abilities) and try hard.
As you can
see from this article, low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and it
often manifests itself as negativity. Self confident people are more positive -
they believe in themselves and their abilities, and they also believe in living
life to the fullest.
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